Where did 48 Years Go?

Today is our wedding anniversary

48 years

Where did the years go

We don't really celebrate

Restaurants are just full of office parties this time of year

Instead we enjoy a special meal at home

So tonight it is Roast Chicken Breast covered in a Smoked Bacon Lattice with

Pork and Sage & Onion Stuffing

Roast Parsnips, Roast Potatoes and Brussels sliced and sauteed in butter and garlic

For dessert

Lemon and Cream Souffle finished with Caramelised Orange Shreds

My card to Alan

The tags are embossed with "Thank You", "Happy Anniversary" and

"To a Special Peson"

The bell is for those church bells that rang out all those years ago

19th December 1959

Joycelyn

Joycelyn if you come back to visit you can get my E-mail address from my Profile if you wish to get in touch.

I cannot contact you without a link. E-mailing me will not disclose your address on my blog.

Thank you for your comments.As you are not a blogger it is interesting to see how God led you to my site.

I am humbled to know that you have found my blog helpful and inspiring.

One never knows how many lives are being touched through this world of blogging.

I understand your struggles, I have been there myself.

However God is ever faithful and knows what He is doing

and He is in the business of changing us from one degree of Glory to the next.

It is when we come to the end of ourselves that God can move in and work His purposes out in our lives.

He is in the business of restoring us into His perfection and not our own.

His desire is to manifest Himself through us to the world.

So hang in there, God will never let you down although it might feel like it at times as we learn to grow in faith.

It's Christmas

Today we put up our lights and decorated the tree

so it is beginning to feel like Christmas

When my children lived at home I used to put up lots of decorations

even had two trees

but for the last few years all I have done is string up lights in the front sitting room

and put a tree in the back sitting room

Obviously I decorate the Christmas table but even that has been simplified

Apart from candles and a centrepiece

I like to scatter gold wrapped chocolate coins on to a Christmas themed table cloth

They add a quick and easy decoration and then of course they can be eaten

A Christmas tea cosy

The cards are now finished but this was the start
I made 70 and topped up with some bought ones

Carol singing Penguin and Father Christmas with his sack of toys

All knitting done by yours truly some years ago

I was experimenting with different settings on the camera

Early morning frost outside gives a contrast

December Estuary

Yesterday the weather was cold, crisp and sunny so we decided to drop everything

and drive out to the estuary

I like to visit at all times of the year as estuary skies, light and atmosphere

differ by the season

My plan was to walk, watch the birds and take photographs

I took about 60 but there are just a few here

We took a picnic onto Two Tree Island in the Thames

and after our picnic dropped into the golf driving range

for a mug of hot tea

then returned to the island to continue

After the light had faded and I had my awesome sunset photos

we went into the town of Leigh-on-sea at the top of the cliffs

for afternoon tea

I had an enormous piece of Iced Lemon cake sandwiched together with lemon cream

There were so many wild Rosehips

I loved the isolation and silence
while the shops were bursting at the seems with Christmas shoppers

Where are the birds Did not see too many today but the Brent Geese are here on the edge of the marshes

The oil refinery across the creek on Canvey Island

The sun's reflection was so glaring it made this picture look like it was later than it actually was

The sun is going down in the West but reflecting to the East

Sunlight on water

It's now 3.40 pm and the sun is going down

It's now 4.30 pm, we have had our tea and we see only the lights of Canvey Island

MY STORY Chapter 12 - Climbing back up the Mountain

Names have been changed to protect privacy

The next significant chapter in my life was the birth of my children. The decision to start a family was initially put on hold through being at sea, and then living in limited rented accommodation. Then as the years of anxiety and depression took their toll, I didn’t feel that I could cope with pregnancy and Motherhood. However after 8 years of marriage I began to feel that I wanted children bad enough to go ahead in spite of all my fears. I didn’t feel that I would cope with pregnancy while working at a Geriatric Hospital so made the decision to retire from work first. This I did and became pregnant straight away.

After rededicating my life to Christ at the Billy Graham Crusade I was put in touch with a local church and we were beginning to make Christian friends. Two of the guys at church, Andrew and Tim had the vision to set up a Christian Rehabilitation Centre in the town, and immediately upon hearing that I had given up my job, asked me if I would get involved with them. They had to have a secretary before a charity could be formed. I initially offered them 6 months to get them started in view of the fact that I was pregnant. This 6 months stretched to over 6 years. I became the secretary, a founder member and voluntary worker.

Tim, who has long since died, was a volunteer with the Samaritans and he wanted to do much more for the clients than he was able to do through this very worthwhile charity. So with the help of Andrew and me, a new charity was formed. For 2 years the office for this Christian rehabilitation centre was run from my home and the clients in need of accommodation stayed at Tim’s home. It was during this time that my son and daughter were born.

As time went on and I was able to raise some funds, Tim sold his house and we bought a large house in the centre of the town where Tim and his wife became house parents. We took in people such as drug addicts, unmarried Mothers, ex-prisoners. The criteria for admission to the house, was that we would take in anyone with severe problems who wanted help but also had nowhere to live. Everyone who came knew that there would be a strong Christian influence on their lives. Some of the residents became Christians and others did not but all certainly left having seen the gospel in action. More helpers became involved with us and as funds came in we eventually also took over a small farm in the countryside where more long term residents were taken to stay.

However, in all of this, nobody knew of my inner turmoil, I was a professional at keeping things covered up and I was drugged up to the eye balls on prescribed medication. There were times at home when I was frightened to be left alone, frightened to go out, and on the very worst days Alan was afraid to leave the house. Years later he told me that after driving home he would sit in the car bracing himself for what he would find. I had a few mild accidental overdoses through mixing the wrong foods with my increasing reliance on medication.

Though all this time, Alan who did not profess to be a Christian, came with me to church and involved himself where he could with some of the residents in our centre. He gets on well with people, has a good sense of humour and people easily take to him. On the occasions when we did not have family stay with us at Christmas we would have a resident from the centre spend Christmas day with us.

However I knew that I was not experiencing the reality of what the Bible promised me and along with a friend we became very dissatisfied with what we were experiencing in our church. We began to seek out any meetings where there seemed to be much more life in the Spirit. One night when the family were asleep I began crying out to God and asking Him, “Where are you?” I immediately saw a vision/picture of Jesus dressed in white but He seemed to be hovering out of my reach. I called again and the vision/picture changed to Jesus on the cross with a crown of thorns around his head. Again I wasn’t satisfied and called out, “Where are you now?” I then felt a sudden impact like a physical thump on my chest and heard God reply, “I am right here inside of you”. It was some years before I understood the reality of this but the encounter did give me a renewed sense of peace. God was no longer someone out there and out of reach but a very real presence within me. I knew what I had experienced and nobody could take that away from me.

Another night while praying I found myself speaking in tongues and rejoicing like I never had before and knew that I had been baptized in the Spirit sitting in my own living room. I went back to bed excited and wondering what difference these experiences would make in my life. I was looking for reality and a gospel that would make a difference in people’s lives.

Shortly afterwards I began to realise how crazy and chaotic my life was becoming when I started to black out when I walked upstairs. This happened when I was in our rehabilitation centre one day and through this God started to show me how my life was really no different to the lives of the people I was trying to help. I knew this could not continue so with the renewed spiritual confidence that I was experiencing as a result of my recent encounter with God, I told a few close and trusted co-workers about the reality of my life. I had by now been taking several mind and mood altering medications for 10 years. I could not function without them, I was addicted. My first dose of Librium was taken before I could even get out of bed.

After much prayer together we decided that I would trust God in this and go cold turkey with the drugs. I had no idea what I was about to experience and although I was trusting God to see me through, I could never have managed without the help and support of those close friends that I had confided in. I went through 3 weeks of withdrawal hell. I could hardly get out of bed and would lie there sweating and shaking and trying to understand why my head appeared to be on the ceiling. The pain in my head was excruciating and I couldn’t eat or sleep. One friend came in during the day to look after my children while Alan was at work, another cooked and yet another would come and sit with me during the evenings. My children were used to being with me at the centre so they knew and were happy with those helping me. Eventually my symptoms lessened as my body adjusted.

Later when I visited my doctor he was horrified and told me that I could have died going cold turkey without medical supervision. He of course was not taking into account the part that God was playing in this. He did however insist that I take a reduced dose of Valium to give my body time to adjust. I initially took his advice but quickly realised, when side effects kicked in, that this was not helping me and for me the answer was to rely totally on God for the continued healing of my body and emotions.

Not too long after this we began to experience difficulties in our centre. We were becoming well known and more and more professionals were wanting to be involved with the work and local churches were supporting us financially. As nearly always happens in this kind of situation, 2 factions started to emerge. Those that wanted to take the more professional path and those of us who had begun this work as a pure faith venture. We had grown from a founding membership of 3 to a committee of over 30 people. So many changes followed and there were those that were happy to stay and those that felt it was time to move on.

It can be scary stepping out of the familiar but God has His seasons and can be totally trusted to take us on the next step of our journey. He replenishes with more abundance than we could ever ask for. He never lets us down as we trust our life to Him. So a new chapter and a new stage in the journey coming up.

Cotswolds Pt 14 - Stow-on-the-Wold

Stow-on-the-Wold means meeting place on the hill.

Stow-on-the-Wold is an ancient Cotswold Wool Town situated beside the Roman Fosseway and set on a rounded hill at the height of about 800feet above sea level. This elevated position and the effects of the elements have encouraged the creation of an enclosed town square. Iron Age people were the first to settle on the hill and there is evidence of earlier settlements in this part of the Cotswolds. Stone Age and Bronze Age burial mounds are common throughout the area.

The houses of Stow were built with the mellow Cotswold stone from local quarries. Some have massive internal oak beams from the days when Gloucestershire was covered in forest.

The Kings Arms is a good example of a coaching inn where the main entrance was through the arch leading to the stables. King Charles I stayed here at the time of the Battle of Naseby in 1645. On Digbeth Street stands the Royalist Hotel, said to be the oldest inn in England. An inn has stood on this site since 947 AD.

The King's Arms Coaching Inn

Today and all it's Diversity

I’ve been posting so much on the Cotswolds recently and also posting on my story that it felt like time to fit in a ‘today’ post.

I see so many beginning to post on Christmas so I decided today that I really should get on with the making of my Christmas cards. Alan also went up into the loft to bring down the decorations although it will be some weeks before I shall be putting any of them up.

I have just had my broadband connection upgraded to 4 mgs instead of 2 and I am finding it so much quicker for uploading photographs from my computer. Obviously it makes downloading from the net quicker too but that does depend also on how busy the server is as you know.

I want to recognise Maddy all the way down there in Australia. She has been helping me with my family tree. A brother-in-law did a great family research on Alan’s family some years ago and presented my daughter with a copy when she was married 8 years ago. The idea was that I would continue by adding my side of the family. After quite some time I began getting things together and was greatly helped by a cousin who had already put together quite a bit of my Father’s family. However, I became very frustrated when trying to get anywhere with my Mother’s family. I just could not come up with anything for my maternal Grandfather so I decided to give up and just put together what I already had. Having commented to this effect on Maddy’s blog she so kindly said she would help if I gave her some information to work on.

From my Grandparents marriage certificate Maddy was able to trace back to the early 1800’s. I am so excited to be able to fill in some of the gaps. So thank you so much Maddy – you are an angel. One of the main problems of course in trying to trace a family tree at my age is that there is no-one left alive who can answer questions. I do have some very interesting information on other branches of the tree which I may share in a future posting.

So while Maddy has been researching I have been sleeping and while she has been sleeping I have been going through the family tree. While I have been out walking bracing myself against the very cold wind, Maddy has been trying to stay cool in their very hot weather. Isn’t it amazing to be connecting these two extremes on our blogs.

The weekend has been fun. We went to a 60th birthday party on Saturday and dinner with a group of friends on Sunday and friends over to us for dinner on Tuesday. Thursday we will be spending at Janie’s house with dear little Oliver so that’s another week gone by.

Before signing off I would just like to thank everyone who has been commenting and encouraging me to continue writing my story. Without you I may have given up a long time ago. I have always wanted to put my story into print but it is proving harder than I imagined.I don't find it easy making myself just take the time to sit down and write it. I am still only up to the mid-sixties so there is still a long way to go with many more twists and turns (to quote one of my comments). My whole aim is to be able to encourage others who may be struggling and going through similar trials and to show how God can transform a life. So hang in there, it’s a worth while read.

A few photos from this weekend to finish.

Colour from my garden today

The London Skyline from my neighbourhood

silloueted on the horizon

A nice reminder