While cleaning and sorting I was thinking of a time in 1982 when things in my life where very diffferent than they are today. At that time I was struggling emotionally and spiritually. I was depressed and anxious and feeling a total failure and just not experiencing the abundant life that the Bible promised me. I looked out of my bedroom window and saw a lady from my church bouncing down the street looking so happy and together. (Of course I know that was looking at appearances and not knowing what was going on inside). However it frustrated and depressed me more. I began to sob and cry out to God and I suddenly realised that my conversation with God was coming out like a poem. So, I stopped and wrote it down. It has, since that time been a source of revelation and inspiration to me and to many others that I have shared it with. So thought I would share it here.
O my God, why do you leave me in despair and desolation
When all around is seemingly glory and triumph
The very essence of life appear and disappear
As though they were just puppets, on a string
You mock me, You tantalise me, You hide your face.
Is it a game that you are playing?
Child, you have forgotten your prayers of yesteryear
What, me give up the things I hold so dear?
Lord, you know I want to change
But, how can You and I achieve the impossible?
It only seemed impossible to you
Because you did not have My infinite mind.
Remember the prayers that went unanswered at the time
The prayers you prayed that were impossible for me
For had I answered in the way that you had wished
Those other prayers of yours, the most important ones
Would have vanished like a vapour in the sea
And never would have brought you the life you long to see.
My love for you is more than just a fleeting feeling
To lose you would have been too great a price to pay
Your suffering has been your greatest treasure
To keep you close to me so come what may
The Mind of God would be instilled within you
So you can live the life for which you pray.
Barbara Rogerson 1982