MY STORY - Chapter 23 Full Circle

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I began this story in 1938 and am finishing it in 2008. Is it possible to cover 70 years in a few pages, absolutely not, but I hope I have managed to convey the nuts and bolts of the amazing journey that God has taken me on. He has plans for every one of us and this one just happens to be mine. It has been exciting, amazing, painful, and traumatic and every other emotion that one can imagine, in other words, normal. There are events and circumstances that I have not been able to disclose in order to protect the privacy of others but what I have disclosed is for the sole purpose of showing the faithfulness and constancy of God. He never gives up on us; He knows what is best for us to bring each one of us into all that the Bible promises us. He is a God that can be trusted and His desire is for us to know our completeness in Him. So in a nutshell what are some of the things I have learned on this journey?

I can thank God for every minute and not regret a thing. Even the times of mistakes and suffering are redemptive, not only for us but also for the people God brings into our lives.

I know that feelings are not reality, they are just that – feelings. At times there can be a great difference between what we know to be true and what we feel and the enemy is very quick to use these situations. These are the moments to get back to faith and believe against all feelings and appearances. These feelings are very often our calling card to get us back into alignment with God.

I know that His life within us can accomplish all that we cannot do of ourselves. Even Jesus said, “Of myself I can do nothing”. I have learned that God allows us to try until we come to the end of ourselves then as we give up then God takes over.

I know that we can trust Him in all things and that He will never let us down.

He always answers prayer, but not always with the answers that we want, rather the answers that will grow us up into maturity in Him as He knows the beginning from the end.

I have come to see that there are seasons in our journey and we benefit most as we give ourselves to whatever season God takes us into. Seasons can be many things. A new church, a new vision, an alone time, health problems and many more. His timing is perfect.

He positions the right people and the right circumstances for every event. About 1997 in one of the quieter and more alone times in my life I decided to do a year long course in Therapeutic Massage. I had no thoughts at the time other than a whole year of free massages as we practiced on each other. Little did I realise that I would end up treating clients and that many of these times would be times of sharing my faith as people opened up about their lives while on the couch.

I know that God never closes one door without opening another. We can make our plans if we are walking in His way and there is nothing wrong in that because we know that God is behind those plans willing our actions every step of the way, but that does not mean that everything will turn out the way we think it will. God has ways of getting our focus on Him and it often comes from what looks like our own confusion and mess. The paradox in this is that God allows this seemingly confusion and mess. He is after a minute by minute walk of faith, trusting every moment to Him. As the Bible tells us that which was meant for evil, God means for good.

He desires that we see ourselves perfect and complete in Him and the more we believe this the more we will see the evidence in our lives. We are vessels to contain deity and God picks up the broken and cracked pots of our lives and moulds them into something worthy of His indwelling. I could go on and on but instead will return to where we are now.

You may remember that I talked about our involvement in the house church movement in chapter 13. We are now again in a pioneering situation. A new church grew up out of the remnants of our old house church in the 70’s/80’s. This was not a house church but a large church that met in the hall of the Christian school that we began in the mid-seventies. There are 17 houses in my street that are part of this church. The Community church that we became a part of when returning to fellowship in our immediate area were very much in relationship with this church and the Pastor lived next door to us.

About 4 years ago this very local church were called by God to break down again into house churches. This was where we came in; this was why we came to live in our house in the first place, so with the blessing of our then Pastor and leadership, we came full circle and returned to the house church set-up. Many lessons have been learned since the old days but we are still very much in a pioneering situation, learning what “church” is really all about. I know that church is a body of believers and not a building and that it is very much about relationships and 24/7 living, so we continue to seek God as to what He has for us in this situation and this community. We are stepping ‘outside of the box’ and ‘off the road map’ and again find ourselves in a place where trusting God is our only option.

I could not finish this story without a mention of our Grandchild. We waited a very long time to be proud grandparents, and it wasn’t until we were that I understood the sentiments of many other grandparents that I knew over the years. I was so overwhelmed by love for this child in a way that I had not expected. In my years of waiting, hoping and praying I had never imagined anything other than excitement, being in denial I guess to the prospect of harrowing problems. When my daughter was diagnosed as a high risk for Down’s syndrome with abortion suggested, it came as a complete shock. I was so proud of my daughter’s decision to carry on with her pregnancy no matter what. In fact she said, “A Downs’ baby would still be a baby to love”

As it happened Oliver was not born with Down’s syndrome and it makes one wonder how many healthy children are aborted in this way. He was however born a very sick baby. This is Jane’s story and not mine so I will mention only the briefest of details. After a very long and difficult birth Oliver was born not breathing but he was quickly resuscitated when a doctor was called. He was however suffering from Septicaemia and had to stay in hospital and undergo a brain scan, lumbar puncture and numerous other unpleasant tests. On visiting I prayed over him that his little body would have no memories of what he was going through. At this point a strong prayer support went into operation, not only in my country but through a number of contacts in Africa, France and the U.S.A. I was not in denial any longer but wondering if all of my dreams had been shattered, and as any parent knows how difficult it is to watch one’s own child suffer no matter how old they are. However, thanks to prayer and the quick intervention of the medical staff, Oliver recovered and is now a happy, bright and adorable 20 month old. Another learning curve that things do not always go the way we think they will in this life. How reassuring it is to know that we have a God we can depend on no matter what the outcome in these painful situations.

So in wrapping up my story I will leave you with a few of the Scriptures and quotes which have been and are very meaningful to me.

James 1: 2-4

‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it’s work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything’

Galations 8:17

‘We are co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings, in order that we may share in His Glory’

Thessalonians 5:18

‘Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Jesus Christ’

Galations 2:20

‘I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live but Christ lives in me and the life which I now live in the flesh I live b y the faith of the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me’

Paul Claudel

‘Jesus did not come to explain away suffering or to remove it. He came to fill it with His presence’

Corrie ten Boom wrote:

‘Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the perfect preparation for the future that only God can see’

Norman Grubb, my late missionary friend wrote:

‘As Christians every situation we go through is God’s perfect will.
It is precisely the necessary one so praise God for each situation.
Accept yourself exactly how you are and how you feel.
We have to be content with what He chooses for us at this moment.
You cannot tell what God has for you, or what future purpose He might have in the experience that you are going through right now.
Just keep doing what you feel at the present He is giving you to do. He has perfect purpose for all that is happening to you, even if at the moment it is not clear.
The single eye of faith enables us to remain free within,
regardless of outward circumstances.
We are to accept fully the situation at the moment and the way we feel towards it,
Knowing that it is for the purpose of manifesting His Life in us.
Because He was determined to take us this way.
He does not see the confusion, heaviness or perplexity,
But only His next step in His perfect plan.
And He is the one who will bring it to pass.



THE END
OF THE STORY
BUT NOT
THE END OF THE JOURNEY

……..as the Apostle Paul said, “I press on to the goal that is set before me”

Winning Again

Look what arrived in the post today

One of the prizes from a Giveaway hosted by Cindy of In A Garden

A book on pressing flowers and a very informative book on

fragrant herbs

plus a watercolour painting, done by Cindy, of a basket of roses

Thank you Cindy

The painting will be on the wall somewhere near to my computer

reminding me of Cindy every day

Not much colour in my garden today but everything is

'budding up'



The Hyacinths are gorgious with lots more to open up

We are laying a new path

The old path was arranged around a large Weeping Willow tree that we had in our garden at the time. This tree eventually had to go because we had some subsidence at the back of the house.

We had to cut it back a quarter at a time over a period of four years so as to not affect the water table too drastically

There is apparently a stream somewhere underground so without this tree areas of our garden are under water during much of the winter

It is heavy clay so as soon as the ground dries out and it gets hot it begins to crack

The plus side is that the clay is brilliant for the roses

As for the path it is not so easy to step onto the small stones when they are covered in water and

they were never really close together enough for comfort when everything was wet

With possible snow, hail and sleet forecast for the weekend we had better get it finished

Sky High

I love taking photos of skies

but here are some different skies to my usual sunsets

A Virgin balloon flying over

The Millau Bridge in Southern France taken from the air

I have not been over this bridge but the many people I know who have

find it takes a big chunk of time off their journey to the South of France
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millau_Viaduct

http://www.hoax-slayer.com/millau-viaduct.html

Double click on this photograph which I downloaded from the second link

The Blue Ridge Parkway - North Carolina

photo from a postcard

One of my Memorable Moments was driving along this parkway by myself

at 1.0 am in the morning

It felt like I was the only person on earth at that moment

part scarey and part exciting

MY STORY - Chapter 22 - A Moving of the Spirit

During the 90’s there was a very strong influence on many people and churches across the world, namely the “Toronto Blessing”. We were not involved with this as God had us focused on the direction that He had given to us at that time.

It became so widespread, affecting churches and groups of all denominations, congregations, leaders, pastors and vicars alike, young and old, that I began to seek God as to whether we were missing out through not being involved. There were people that thought we were. The ‘blessing’ appeared to be an outer experience but those involved said that they were much more in touch with God and renewed in their spiritual walk and it had increased their hunger for God. I could not deny that God was doing something and He was certainly getting people’s attention and giving them a sign of His power. I had been very involved in the early days of the Charismatic renewal in the 60’s so it was not entirely new to me, but those days were on a much smaller scale as people did not travel like they do now. I did know that I did not have to be actively involved in this ‘blessing’ in order to experience the by-products as I believe that in God we live and move and have our very being. I know that trusting His life in me would bring me into all that God had and desired for me. I know that His life brings us into a day in, day out lived out life of constancy in the Holy Spirit where ‘blessing’ takes on a whole new meaning as Jesus Christ through us strives to see Himself formed in all of created beings. Do hear my heart, I am not in any way speaking out against the “Toronto Blessing” but sharing where I was on my journey at that time.

Moving on in to the new millennium, God proved yet again that we never miss out in this life of faith if we are trusting in Him for He has His times and seasons for everything in our lives.

During the summer of 2001 I was sitting at my computer one day when I received an E-mail from a total stranger who I will call Jenny. Without going into details of the E-mail I wasn’t really sure how it involved me. I replied saying, “Who are you, who do you fellowship with and how did you get my address?” Not friendly at all, in fact I was quite indignant. In that moment I heard God’s voice so clearly it caused me to take notice. I heard God say, “Keep an open mind or you might miss something.” I received a reply from Jenny stating that a ministry package was in the post. Believing that I had heard God speak I was intrigued enough to eagerly await the arrival of the package, but also to know how this person from Ohio had come by my address. I eventually found out that it had come about through Jenny’s contact with a Christian travel agent who knew a friend of mine from the States who had visited with me on a number of occasions. The problem was that my friend who is busy and travels a lot with her own ministry had forgotten to tell me.

It turned out that Jenny was a church pastor and evangelist and she had received a number of prophecies from different sources stating that she would be going to London to minister. The package duly arrived and after being touched and stirred in my spirit when listening to the tapes, I eagerly devoured the accompanying book and could not put it down, finishing it within 24 hours. The only time I have been glad to be stuck in a long traffic jam. I knew that if she was coming to London then I wanted to meet her. Having had nothing more than a word from God and a rising in her spirit, Jenny and her ministry helper, who I will call Joan, had booked on a tour to London where on arrival they were going to part from the tour group, visit some churches and see what God did in the situation. However, due to unforeseen circumstances the tour was cancelled. It was after this event that Jenny contacted the Christian travel agent. Plans had been made for them to stay in a hotel in London and she had made contact with me in the hope that I would go and meet with her giving her a contact in London. I agreed to do this and a date was fixed. This seemed quite easy and straight forward at the time but none of us knew the implications of 9/11.

Jenny and Joan were at the airport waiting for their American Airlines internal flight when the first plane flew into the twin towers in New York City. Needless to say everything was cancelled and nobody knew how long it would be before aircraft would be flying out of the States across the Atlantic again. The priority anyhow was to get stranded people home. As it happened, and obviously after much prayer, the travel agent finally found seats on a plane for about 10 days later. In view of the event money for the hotel stay had been refunded. At this point I suggested to Jenny and Joan that they forget about booking a hotel and come and stay at my house instead. They agreed in amazement as they had never stayed in the house of a stranger before.

I organised various meetings for them both in my home and at various churches that I had contact with. Our Pastor had by then listened to the tapes and the first meeting was in our own church. During ministry time I was prayed for and immediately fell to the floor. Jenny turned and said, “Look at your hands Barbara, they are covered in oil” When I eventually looked, not only was there oil but gold dust too. I had heard of people manifesting gold dust but never oil. It was not something that I had asked for or gone seeking after. I realised in a new way that we cannot put God in a box, He does what He does in spite of us. My husband Alan had the same experience that same evening at a meeting at a friend’s house. We had four meetings that Sunday and the folk at the Russian church which consisted of refugees from the old Soviet Union were really hungry for God and during ministry time they all fell down like dominoes one after the other and most began speaking in tongues. The children fell down too and I knew it was real when I witnessed a baby prayed for and saw his head just fall back on his Mothers shoulder under the power of the Spirit.

I must make it clear that we do not talk about our own personal experience generally but I do so here because it is part of my spiritual journey and was another life changing event. It is not something I can take credit for, or make happen it is down to God. It’s not something I even think about it until it happens and most often it happens during praise and worship times. On asking God why and what it was for in our own lives, for Alan it came as a sign to pray for someone and for me more of a confirmation of something that God had put on my heart, be it a word, a prophecy or to pray for someone. Many times it has just been a confirmation of a real presence of the Spirit. I am glad that I heard God and responded that day just sitting at my computer.

There were 2 incidences shortly after this that I will relate as a picture of how God used this gift. Firstly a Russian Mother asked me if I would pray for her teenage son who was rebelling against God. On agreeing I first wanted to talk to him and ask his permission and on chatting with him it became evident that his studying of science was a hindrance to him believing. I boldly asked him if it would make any difference if God gave him a sign and he said maybe. In faith I held out my hands to him and they were covered in oil and gold dust. He sank to the floor, accepted Jesus as his Saviour and was immediately baptised in the Spirit. God confirmed to me that although the inner life was the most important, outer manifestations do have their place too.

Soon after that I was having coffee in Starbucks when I noticed a family with a very sick looking little girl who looked like she had Leukaemia or something. I suddenly felt pressed to pray for her. In the middle of Starbucks, what was I thinking! Panic rose up and I said to God, “If this is what you want, then give me confirmation”. Suddenly oil appeared on my hands and I knew that there was no turning back. When I approached the Mother she was very sharp with me telling me that her daughter was very sick but I should not worry as it was not catching. I explained that that was not what I was suggesting but I wondered if I could pray for her. She wanted to know who I was and for me it felt like it was getting more difficult by the minute. I told her which church I belonged to and she became very embarrassed and said that she thought that her child would not cope with being prayed for in such a public place. She did however sound very pleased when I asked if she would like my church to pray for her daughter. The following Sunday the whole church prayed for this little girl and I saw that I had been taught another lesson. It was for me to be obedient to God’s promptings and the outcome is entirely His responsibility. I had initially been tempted to think that I had got it all wrong but who knows what seeds were sown. A life of faith is about trusting and believing and taking the next step no matter how small and insignificant it might seem at the time.

So, for the next six years we hosted this lady in our home whenever she came to the UK and organised meetings for her until the time came when I felt that we had connected her up with enough groups and churches for her to be able to make her own arrangements. As far as this story goes I will be wrapping it up and bringing you up to the present day in the next and final chapter. It has been interesting during some of the writing to realise that I have been learning all over again from my own writing. God gives us revelation and then through life experiences causes us to learn to walk in those truths. He changes us from one degree of glory to the next.

Another Look at Easter

Easter Daffodils

The daffodils are so daffodilly,
densely clustered with their yellow—
brightly rich, not a pale specter,
alarmingly true and pointed—

pin wheels in circumference,
each with a horn protruding,
a band of celebrators this Easter,
crying out Christ’s resurrection.

Surely in a universe this dark with sin,
once destroyed by angels fallen,
then by Adam’s brutal choice,

the ordinary yellow citizens of spring,
thronging in the plain dirt of a garden,
cousins to the sun’s tint beaming down,
implacably point to Christ the Lord,

risen both body and spirit,
to gather us with Him
in all that the rupture of death means,

when sung by multitudes of daffodils
in spring’s healing reminder.


Written by my friend in Kentucky, Brian Coatney 3-23-08

The rain came

Then the snow

Then the sun to light up the clouds

MY STORY -Chapter 21 - Winding Down and Moving Off Again

Having spent some 8 years involved with the particular ministry that took me travelling around so much, the time came when the emphasis changed. Heavy shepherding emerged with a strong emphasis on the 12 step programme of A. A. After much agonising and prayer we knew that we could not continue in this direction so another parting of the waves took place. Writing a few sentences on the page here could never express the pain involved in this decision, but as I have written before, there are times and seasons in our faith journeys and God never closes one door without opening up another. These times of waiting for the opening of another door so often become precious times in the spirit as we trust in the wisdom of our God and learn to be content knowing that His ways are not our ways and that His timing is perfect. When busyness and activity cease and we are thrown back on God alone, we have opportunity to develop an intimacy with God that is so precious.

With time on my hands I decided I would like to do some studying. I enrolled on a Psychology course at the extra mural college attached to London University. Although it was not my original intention, I enjoyed it so much that I continued to attend class one day a week for 5 years filling in the rest of the study at home. I continued until I had a diploma in Foundations of Modern Psychology, Social Psychology, Personality, Intelligence and Motivation, Group Therapy and Scientific Method. I did not continue to full degree level as my life was becoming busy again as various doors opened.

After years travelling far away from home we began to feel led to return more to our own locality. My husband Alan also retired at this time so this in itself brought its own time of adjustments. It did mean however that we were able to travel together when we did go away from home. Our first opportunity arose when we were invited to a memorial service in Kentucky for our dear missionary friend who had died the previous year. We stayed for a month fellowshipping with local folk before spending time with other friends in Texas and then North Carolina on the way home.

The following year my daughter Jane and I flew out to the States for a visit beginning with a conference which took place in the grounds of our host’s spectacular home in Kentucky. Jane had come for two weeks and me for four. God used this time to teach me in real and hard situations some more truths of His word. I developed a severe flu like cold as soon as I arrived and when the conference was over my hosts had to leave town. They were going to a wedding and although I too was invited, I did not have the funds to pay for a last minute flight. At the same time my daughter was invited to fly to Los Angeles to stay with the daughter of our host. Obviously I would not have wanted her to miss this opportunity, but I did not find it easy staying alone in a very large house in the country and so far away from home. Another friend that I could have stayed with became very unwell having just returned from a mission trip to Africa so this was not really an option.

In my loneliness I phoned a relative of my host who had previously said that she would love for me to spend a few days with her. So, later that day found me driving in the Explorer that had very kindly been left for my use, to a beautiful house on a wooded hillside. That evening while eating at their country club the husband became ill and had to leave. On rising the next morning the wife was far from well, as was the daughter who had come over to visit. Everybody was needing only a bed and solitude so after breakfast I returned to my original hosts home for the day as I wanted to get on with doing what I could to bring their house back to normal after the conference. Cleaning and masses of laundry. Not something expected of me but a way for me to repay their hospitality. About 10.0 pm that evening I drove back through the woods to find the house in pitch darkness. The only light came from the car headlamps. My hosts, all being sick, had forgotten to leave any lights on for me. Now this was a large three storey house. Eventually I found my way in and after feeling around in the dark, in a very unusually shaped hallway, found a light switch.

That night alone at the top of this house I began to lose it emotionally. I spent a long time on the phone to my husband in England waking him up at some unearthly hour and running up a heavy credit card bill. Afterwards while wallowing in fear and self-pity I began to wonder if I should have made this trip at all. Eventually I came to the place where I asked God what He wanted to show me in all of this. As I heard Him speak I knew I had to write it down. I share it here as it was certainly a milestone in my journey. This was September 1996.


""GOD’S WAYS ARE NOT OUR WAYS


God’s ways are not our ways. So often we make what seems like perfect plans, only to find that nothing works out the way we thought it would. Everything seems a mess and we think that we are in the midst of complete and utter failure. Then what?

Once we get our eyes off the situation, and look to see what God is saying to us, the Spirit comes pouring through with fresh enlightenment, and we start to see the situation/problem through God’s eyes as we say that this was meant to be, this is His planning – not our failure (it’s like we are busy making the arrangements while God is busy making the plans). God’s got our attention again, the burden is lessened, the struggle is over and we can watch and see how God works the situation out. ""

I would like to be able to say that I walk and live in this all the time but mostly it comes after a time of frustration and coming to the end of my own self-effort.

A month later and back in the UK we had a small group meeting regularly in our home and over the years had made many contacts in the States so we continued to arrange meetings in our home whenever any of these traveling ministries visited us. We would also take them on itinerant ministry trips in this country. We also began attending a local church where we were quickly asked if we would lead a home group in our home. These visiting ministries also ministered in our church and links began to be formed. These trips are not a ‘life of Riley’ as some people think, there is often a price to pay when bringing the gospel to folk. What does one do for instance when arriving at a home you find the host had not included you in the invite and had omitted to make that clear? Well we graciously booked into a bed and breakfast farmhouse, we really had no choice, and amused ourselves for twenty-four hours before collecting our friends to continue the trip. This only ever happened once I am glad to say.

As did the time we drove 2 friends to Wales. They were staying with us on their way home to the States having spent quite some time on a mission trip in Africa. Our friend Max who was a doctor returned to this country with a severe form of Influenza which did not fully develop until we were sharing at meetings in Wales. The trip had to be aborted early and on the way home I developed a nasty cough which at the time I thought might be the result of motorway fumes. However I awoke the next morning with a high fever and feeling very unwell. The house was silent and when I went to investigate there were three of us all extremely unwell with this virus from Africa. Only my husband was still on his feet. This knocked me out right over Christmas, the only Christmas I have ever spent in bed not even caring what day it was, and it was 6 weeks before I felt fit again. This was just in time to take off on another trip to drive some other ministering guests to Cornwall.

Not long after this while at church one Sunday I went to chat with a lady at the back who I had never seen before. It turned out she was Russian and could not speak English but her children were able to interpret. She had come to this country with her children as refugees having seen her husband and other members of her family killed in her own country. I visited her, taking a welcome pack of groceries and things for her home and this led to a long and continued involvement with a spirit filled Russian church about 6 miles away. Very soon we also had connections with a black church and a South African church. God was certainly broadening our horizons and we were able to fellowship and build friendships with a broadening body of believers from different parts of the world.


I have learned over the years the benefits of trusting and watching to see what God does next. I have never, in all that God has had me involved in, gone seeking out and looking for the next thing. God has always brought something to my attention and then it is for me to respond. Often this happens without me even realizing initially what He is doing.

As I begin to bring this journey up to the present time, I will show how God has His ways of opening us up to even more new experiences.

The Donkey at Easter

THE DONKEY


When fishes flew and forests walked
And figs grew upon thorn,
Some moment when the moon was blood
Then surely I was born;

With monstrous head and sickening cry
And ears like errant wings,
The devil's walking parody
Of all four-footed things.

The tattered outlaw of the earth,
Of ancient crooked will;
Starve, scourge, deride me: I am dumb,
I keep my secret still.

Fools! for I also had my hour;
One far fierce hour and sweet:
There was a shout about my ears,
And palms before my feet.


by G K Chesterton