Letter to a Daughter

A walk in the park with Jane when Oliver was a baby




Whilst awaiting the birth of our Granddaughter tomorrow, coupled with our daughter’s 10th wedding anniversary on Friday, I got to thinking about the first time Janie left home to go to university almost 20 years ago.

It was a time when both she and I had to step out in faith and trust God in a new situation. Having been offered 3 different degree courses Janie’s acceptance of the course she decided to follow ended up being a last minute decision which meant that there were no campus facilities left, no places left in halls of residence, YMCA fully booked and all approved accommodation taken. It left her renting a room on her own in a strange house with an anorexic landlady some distance from her college.

I cried all the way home when leaving her and the next morning had a desperate phone call from Janie as she felt paralyzed at the thought of having to make her way across a strange town in order to register in college. Having spent time on the phone I felt pressed to write her a letter which I still have a copy of.

Having read a number of blogs where Mum’s are finding themselves in a similar hard place I thought I would reproduce some of that letter here in the hope of encouraging you because almost 20 years later Janie is an independent lady and very successful in her field, in a happy marriage, with a bright adorable son and about to produce a daughter in a few hours.

“I guess that by now you will have taken that step of faith and made your way to college to register. When you phoned it would have been the easiest thing in the world to have gone and picked you up and brought you home but the way for you to grow and know the reality of Christ in your life is to stay and faith it out minute by minute.

I have been so tempted to think that you were in the wrong accommodation, but I know that God does not get things wrong. He always has us in the place that is best for us at any given time and He wants you to grow in Him, grow in faith and face life with all it’s pain head on.

God promised us victory, He promised us abundant life, but He never promised us an easy life. What He did say is ‘My yoke is easy and my burden is light, take my yoke upon you and learn of me’. He does not mean for you to try and do it in your own strength but this is your training ground to learn to trust and rely on Him. Not only are you going to learn to reach your full potential academically; you are also going to learn what it is to reach your full potential in Christ. The Bible tells us that ‘As He is in this world, so are we.’ That is not a light thing. Jesus is going to be the miracle in and through you.

It is not going to be easy. It will be hard initially as you learn to live above those overwhelming feelings that feel as though they are swamping you to death at the moment. They will not swamp you and as you said yourself on the phone, you know that you are not your feelings and it is only the enemy who endeavors to have us believe that we are. As you recognize The Holy Spirit joined to your spirit you can by faith believe that He will get you through. For a long time you have had the faith for this time in your life and now you are going to experience what it means to walk that faith out. That means you will do your part by faithing out at sheer gut level the next step. Don’t concern yourself with how tomorrow is going to be or even tonight, just trust God moment by moment.

I’m walking this out with you too. It means another change and more growing in my life as I learn to let go of my youngest child and let God take you on as He wishes. In my feelings, which also seem overwhelming at times, I want to protect you from the pain involved, but if I did that, I would also be crushing the life out of you. I have done all I know to do to bring you this far, and now God is taking you on to fashion you as He sees fit. He knows what each of us needs to bring us to maturity in Christ, so we have to say that you are in the best possible place right now, even though it does not look like it nor feel it.

Don’t deny your feelings, that’s not healthy either. Feel free to feel them, but then use them as a springboard to faith and take the next step. The reality is that you are complete in Christ and only the enemy would have you see yourself as anything less than that. Gods is working everything together for good in the end.”

Jane stayed and saw it through for her first term and eventually was able to share a house with college friends.